Question: does a 5kg bag weigh the same when you first pick it up as it does when you set it down ten minutes later? You didn’t use the luggage trolley because, it’s only 5kg. You carried it from the house to the car, no problem. But you underestimated how far you would have to carry it….
Physics say, the weight and mass do not change. Of course not. But what does your body say? What is your aching arm and sore hand where the straps cut in telling your brain? It’s heavier. So much heavier, the longer you carry it for.
The word grief comes from a Latin word that means heavy. Grieving derives from a word that means to weigh down; to overwhelm with burden.
This is why we feel grief so powerfully in our bodies. It is exhausting, carrying that weight around. We long for a respite, for someone to tap us on the shoulder and say, let me carry it for you for a while. But, of course, they can’t. They can walk slowly beside you so that you’re not carrying it alone, but only you feel the full weight of that burden of grief.
Here, the simile breaks down, because unlike the heavy bag that will keep on feeling heavier and heavier the longer you carry it, grieving is a process with a trajectory. The weight goes from crushingly unbearable, to slowly more bearable. Until you can carry it with you and live your life, aware of it, but not overwhelmed.
But until you reach that point, it’s important to take care of yourself physically. To eat, regularly, nutritiously. To gently move. To improve sleep quality. To get daylight and sun and fresh air.
You’ve been given this weight to carry. One day you will look back, amazed, proud, at how far you’ve come. But if you’re still at the painful dragging stage, be good to yourself.
What one kind thing can you do for yourself today?