Grief Training
We never forget the people who step up for us in life’s toughest moments. If you would like to improve your understanding of grief, and how to support yourself or the people around you, visit Grief Guides, who offer a range of innovative training products on grief, loss & trauma.
Loss and Restoration
The Dual Process model was a ground-breaking model when it was published by in 1999. It is based on the recognition that the grieving process is not linear, not a straightforward progression as though grief was something to recover from. Grieving involves fluctuation, between focusing on the loss and starting to rebuild your life. Grieving people need understanding and support, not just when they are weeping, but when they are endeavouring to rebuild their life too. This video explains the Dual Process model and how it helps us understand all aspects of the grieving and rebuilding process. We have brought the model back to its original inference and included the critical overload aspect, with the blessing of Maggie Stroebe and Henk Schut, who sent us their comments:
“Thanks for sharing your movie. We very much appreciate the clear way the essentials of the model are presented for a lay audience. It was a joy to watch.
We feel it gives bereaved people a clear picture of what common grief is about and what they might want to expect: very different from person to person, it can be difficult, and it is hard work, but people do it and get there. We expect people to really appreciate the way you present that message. Thank you both for working in such a prudent and gentle way with the model…. We wish you all the best with your fabulous work! Warm wishes, Maggie and Henk“
The Grieving Brain
It’s hard – almost impossible – to wrap our minds around the concept of someone being gone forever. This can be one of the most painful and haunting parts of the grieving process. Waking up each morning, having to reacquaint yourself again with the knowledge your loved one is gone. Thinking you spot them in a crowd, or hear their voice, only to realise their death all over again. This can go on for a long time.
In The Grieving Brain, renowned grief expert and neuroscientist Mary-Frances O’Connor, PhD, explains the neuroscience behind grieving. Our brains are rich with neural connections and pathways, which help us navigate our world more quickly and without conscious thought a lot of the time. Think of the last time you drove home from work, with a project or conversation very much on your mind. You pull up outside your house, and have no recollection of the journey. Your brain’s neural pathways took over the navigating, leaving you free to argue, plan, or do whatever else was filling your conscious mind as you drove. You were on automatic pilot.
We have neural pathways for everything that is familiar, known, experienced, loved. When somebody important to us dies, it takes a long, long time for the brain to rewire, and create new neural connections that mirror the now-version of our world, replacing the-then version. And while this process takes place, we’re struggling to come to terms with the sense of loss, and this new reality that we’re faced with.
This book is essential reading for anyone wanting to understand the experience of grief better. Mary-Frances O’Connor has long been a pioneer in the field of grief research, and is a leading expert in the field of prolonged grief. Her TedX talk on how our brains process grief is a must-see video.
Window of Tolerance
You’ve probably heard of the fight/flight/freeze response, it’s a stress response, how our nervous system responds to what we see to be a threat to our safety.
Most of the time we go through life feeling pretty safe, and living inside what is called our Window of Tolerance. When we’re in that window, we can handle challenges, regulate our emotions, and interact with the people around us.
But when something happens that makes us feel unsafe or overwhelmed, our nervous systems are activated, and we can go into that fight/flight/freeze state.
This video explains in more detail what happens when we leave our window of tolerance, and what we can do to bring ourselves back to a place of safety.
How Do You Help A Grieving Friend?
“It’s hard to know what to do when someone is going though a difficult time. The thing is, you can’t cheer someone up by telling them to look on the bright side, or by giving them advice. It just doesn’t work. Watch this video to learn the one thing that will help you support your friends in the most helpful and effective ways.”
Video & Content Copyright: Megan Devine and Refuge in Grief.
We also recommend Megan Devine’s wonderful book:
It’s OK That You’re Not OK: Meeting Grief & Loss in a Culture That Doesn’t Understand
You don’t move on
“When Someone You Love Dies, There Is No Such Thing As Moving On”
Watch this insightful TedX talk from Kelley Lynn at TEDxAdelphiUniversity